Kill Tony #734 — Dustin Slay, Martin Phillips
Guests: Dustin Slay · Martin Phillips
Lineup
Set: Pete discusses glory holes, strip club encounters, and sleeping with two condoms because he dislikes the feeling. Very crude and high-energy material.
Interview: 23-year-old aspiring comedian from Laredo working multiple jobs (catering, Pluckers, valet), living with friends, had drama at strip clubs, and nearly had a threesome.
- Glory hole vs. toilet comparison
- Paid stripper after cumming in pants, wanted to keep dating her
- Uses two condoms, hates how sex feels without tightness
- Admitted to nearly having threesome but was rejected for dick size
- Panel extensively discusses his anatomy and condom usage
Set: Jim discusses not wanting to go to Mars because he's Black, critiques Elon Musk's Nazi salute, questions Hitler's straightness with impressions.
Interview: Discussed recent wrestling altercation, being a merchandiser, working out, voice practice, five-year relationship with personal trainer girlfriend, and his African circumcision experience at age 16.
- Black anxiety: won't go to Mars, fears space slave rocket
- Nazi salute was 'zesty,' Hitler was gay
- Jim performs British accent, African accent, and narrates Tony's life
- Extended discussion of African circumcision at 16 with 8 anesthesia shots
Hal Sody
Set: Hal discusses voice changes from puberty sounding like a woman, stopping talking/smiling/fucking to avoid gay accusations, annoying friends from both political sides.
Interview: Web developer from Costa Rica, six years doing standup with breaks for improv, moved to Austin three years ago. Has PTSD from flies after Costa Rican trauma.
- Voice sounds like woman after puberty, quit social interaction
- Liberal and conservative friends both annoy him equally
- Reveals ongoing fly-related PTSD from Costa Rican childhood
- Panel discusses potential autism diagnosis based on behavior
Set: Trip jokes about tuck-friendly bikinis for trans kids, racial lab breeding, and secretly hoping racist white women get fat to fuck Black men.
Interview: 23-year-old from Pittsburgh working at H-E-B produce, discussed HEB perks (free crab boiling), grocery store shoplifting story, Adam Sandler comparisons, and knowing a serial killer from high school.
- Tuck-friendly bikinis mean you want to see kids' genitals
- Race matters, white labs are great dogs, Chinese labs crash economy
- Hopes racist white women get fat, forced to fuck Black men
- Reveals acquaintance became gay serial killer after heroin OD
- Tony makes joke about Jewish serial killer using Uber not Lyft
Set: Professional poker player discussing dick pics from show appearance, buying non-alcoholic beer before 10am in Texas, and non-alcoholics Anonymous as a parody.
Interview: Number one ranked heads-up poker player down $700K this year, blames hanging out with Uncle Laser and focusing on comedy instead of poker. Discussed Whole Foods interaction.
- DMs flooded with dick pics from Kill Tony appearance
- Buying non-alcoholic beer at 9am is serious alcoholism
- Non-alcoholics Anonymous: zero-step program, no daily steps required
- Tony reveals he lost poker match to Doug and is paying debt
- Doug discusses being down $700K in worst year ever
Set: British comedian discusses High School Musical, lack of preparedness for US school shootings, genetic racism from South African father, and Mandela poster.
Interview: British-born comedian with South African father, did comedy in Colorado after nasty breakup, valet at W Hotel, father worked in tech, mother from England. Discussed heartbreak over girl texting 'grandma'.
- High School Musical unrealistic: all-white team won championship
- Disappointed sequel didn't have school shooting scene
- South African father genetically racist, has Mandela poster
- Discovers girlfriend cheating via 'Grandma' contact in phone
- Text said 'when are you coming over' with spelling variations
Set: Bartender discusses virgin drinks, never fucking drinks before serving, bar hopping (40+ restaurants), getting STDs from PF Chang's and Buffalo Wild Wings cocktail waitresses.
Interview: Bartended 10 years, did standup 3 years with intermission after high school sweetheart Nina died from fentanyl OD. Gave her chlamydia. Quit hard drugs, uses mushrooms, has high energy.
- Never fucked a drink before serving, don't stick dick in whiskey
- Worked 40+ restaurants, bar hopper not a slut
- Got STDs from PF Chang's and Buffalo Wild Wings staff
- Revealed high school sweetheart Nina died from fentanyl overdose
- Admits to high-energy behavior making managers think he uses coke
- Distributes psilocybin mushrooms to comedians he likes
Elena P, Dr Tim T
Carlos Lopez
Set: Carlos discusses Amber Alert for 15-year-old Hispanic girl with kids, border situation bringing out racism, and a man telling someone to go back to Mexico.
Interview: Retired from 18-wheeler trucking, now in real estate selling Hill Country Manufactured Homes (trailers). Has three-month-old son Jackson Walker Lopez with Mexican wife. First appearance was his start.
- Amber Alert for 15-year-old girl makes him worry about her two kids
- Racist telling man to go back to Mexico didn't learn Spanish
- Return appearance showing growth from first amateur set
- Named son Jackson Walker after heroes, nearly named Tony Walker Texas Ranger Lopez
Hank Garza
Set: Hank discusses racist algorithms, exotic weed naming, thick white women without Black guys in DMs as weed strain, sleep apnea machine hose removal dating issues, Alex Jones impression.
Interview: Has BiPAP sleep apnea machine, has one-year-old son at home, wife at home. Panel discussed sleep quality and child's reaction to the machine.
- Racist algorithms feed people posts about groups stereotypically
- Weed strains named like 'exotic diabetes with blue or purple'
- Thick white women without Black guys in DMs as weed strain
- Does Alex Jones impression about Sandy Hook and frog conspiracy
- Has one-year-old son and sleep apnea, discusses baby waking him