Kill Tony #762 — Ari Shaffir, Kevin Ryan, H Foley
Guests: Ari Shaffir · Kevin Ryan · H Foley
Lineup
Set: Rapid-fire jokes spanning Yoko Ono, Fred Flintstone, Miss Cleo, and Aphex Twin. Set covers pop culture references and concludes with a Rickroll-style punchline.
Interview: William discusses dropping his phone in feces at a San Diego show, retrieving it and washing it. Extended conversation about his blue chew experience and homemade fajita recipe.
- Yoko Ono's songs explained by suggesting John Lennon was gay based on song titles.
- Aphex Twin's real name Richard D. James means he says 'It's Rick James, bitch' on stage.
- William reveals he dropped his phone in feces at a San Diego show and retrieved it with his bare hand.
- Extensive discussion about whether the feces was solid or liquid, described as 'Ovaltine shit' that looked like hot cocoa mix.
Set: Hannah discusses being misgendered, dating men who must be more masculine than her, working in carpentry, and not digesting poplar wood after work.
Interview: First-timer from Tampa doing stand-up for one year. Navy pilot father, works in carpentry, drives a Dodge truck, has a Bush Light t-shirt, previously dated a woman for two years.
- Works in carpentry all day so doesn't want to deal with poplar (soft wood) at home.
- Has a rule that dating men must be more masculine than her, which is hard to find.
- Tony identifies Hannah as a strong masculine presence and references her father as a Navy pilot, noting the confidence dynamic.
Set: 40-second set about being into studs and tomboys, doing a threesome joke titled 'Two Studs and Me,' and expressing openness to any pussy as long as it doesn't have a dick.
Interview: 15-year veteran from Houston/Austin area. Took a break due to bad baby mama issues. 47 years old, works as a barber and cook. Discusses extensive sexual experiences and preferences for studs.
- Threesome with two studs titled 'Two Studs and Me' with 'No Homo' disclaimer.
- As long as pussy doesn't have a dick, he's cool with it.
- Mr. Ziegler describes leaving two arguing ex-girlfriends in a room during a threesome, finding them 'entangled' upon return.
- Panel praises him as the best male set of the night despite being only 40 seconds.
Set: Riley jokes about dogfighting, ventriloquists as sexual deviants, comparing ventriloquism to necrophilia, and the Utah Jazz as a diversity checkbox by racist Mormons.
Interview: 21-year-old student from Knoxville doing stand-up for just over a year. Works at Little Caesars, attends UTK studying journalism, does ketamine, goes to movies, gets paid to throw cream pies at sorority girls.
- Ventriloquists are necrophiliacs with low self-esteem wanting to fist dolls professionally.
- Utah Jazz name suggests racist Mormons got together to appeal to diversity.
- Tony calls out Riley's pronunciation of 'necrophiliac' with a hard G sound, implying it sounded like the N-word.
Jo Ellis
Set: Trans comedian from Black Hawk helicopter pilot background. Jokes about trans disclosure laws in Texas, hiding guns and penises, and dark humor about shooting Catholic schools.
Interview: Joe's appearance from last year got coverage by Slate and UK Observer. Opened for Ian Lara, has a special coming out. Discusses being pansexual, dating women in Austin, best friends with Tony.
- Because of transition, had to cut off body parts like most transition things.
- Hard to conceal carry a Glock when hiding a cock.
- Joe reveals Slate article coverage led to opening for Ian Lara at Parks Casino.
- Tony thanks Joe for representing trans comics and promises protection during inevitable cancellation.
Set: Ari returns from 8-month Latin American travels. Jokes about fucking street dogs and gaining their trust, Americans not knowing Latin American countries' locations, and homeless people lounging on concrete in Austin.
Interview: Ari was traveling through Latin America for 8 months. Has a new storytelling show coming out with Tony Hinchcliffe, Big J Ocherson, Alisa Deak, and Steph Tolev available at YMHStudios.com.
- The hardest thing about fucking a street dog is gaining its trust to return.
- Americans don't know Latin American countries aren't part of Scandinavia.
- Surprise unannounced return of Ari Shaffir after 8-month global travels.
- Tony and panel celebrate Ari's unexpected return, he joins panel for rest of show.
Set: Chad, 40-year-old from Oshkosh, Wisconsin, jokes about turning 40 (extra bathroom trips and doctor visits), learning about sex from Playboy, Bill Cosby date rape drug reference, and working in insurance.
Interview: First-time performer, 2.5 years stand-up across Wisconsin. Works in insurance. Set up a joke about Bill Cosby and learning to 'count backwards' that confused the panel. Ultra runner doing 50k races.
- Uncle gave Playboy, learned to count backwards from Bill Cosby (date rape reference).
- Called client too early, she still had CPAP machine on.
- Panel struggles to understand Chad's Bill Cosby joke; Tony demands he explain it multiple times.
- Ari expresses suspicion that Chad is a plant/bit after his awkward set.
Johnny Manziel, Pauly Shore
Set: Trinity from Brownsville, Texas, jokes about being proposed to three times last year, not wanting to be men's salvation (Matrix reference), dealing with CPAP machines, and encountering an erect penis she grabbed thinking it was a clutch.
Interview: Half a year stand-up (since July), moved to Austin in January. Arrested for THCA pen in East Texas (misdemeanor and felony). Works on political organizing for affordable housing nonprofit. Unmedicated (should be on Lexapro/Vyvanse).
- Named after The Matrix, Trinity, tired of being men's salvation.
- Grabbed erect penis thinking it was a car clutch and pressed it.
- Trinity reveals she got arrested for THCA weed pen in East Texas, resulting in misdemeanor and felony charges.
- Trinity catches two joke books Tony throws at her during interview.
Orhun Timur
Set: Turkish comedian, 33, jokes about never getting close to marriage because he's a struggling comic and doesn't want someone with bad judgment raising his children.
Interview: 33-year-old from Connecticut (not Turkey as accent suggested), first golden ticket winner cashing in. Discusses being Turkish, stereotype about Israelis, likes mean women, bought vintage shirt from Leopard's Lounge.
- As struggling comic, won't settle for someone who'd settle for him.
- Orhun reveals he's actually from Connecticut and does accent for authenticity.
- Orhun becomes nervous about saying anything politically sensitive after mentioning Israel.
- Orhun obtains citizenship while Ari Shaffir still struggles with visa.
Set: Nate, born in Hong Kong, jokes about having a big dick so being called Caucasian, failing Hong Kong driver's test because he didn't hit enough cones, only having one Chinese friend.
Interview: 29 years old, started stand-up at 18 in Hong Kong at Takeout club. Lived in Hong Kong until 2019 (during protest era), Australia for ~4 years due to COVID, arrived in Austin 7 weeks ago. Speaks conversational Cantonese.
- Has big dick so can be called Caucasian despite being from Hong Kong.
- Failed Hong Kong driver's test because didn't hit enough traffic cones.
- Nate reveals he lived in Australia for 4 years during COVID lockdown, just moved to Austin 7 weeks ago.
- Nate reveals his mother worked in foreign service and was stationed in Taiwan.