Kill Tony #763 — Jeff Ross
Guests: Jeff Ross
Lineup
Set: Martin joked about flying with his drugged dog, disability medicine commercials, and his dog defecating in an airplane carrier during a flight.
Interview: Martin discussed drugging his blind Shih Tzu mix for flights with gabapentin and trazodone, the dog defecating on a Delta flight, and his living situation.
- Described flying with dog freaking out, said dog hasn't hijacked plane yet
- His blind Shih Tzu dog defecated in carrier mid-flight on Delta
- Golden ticket winner introduced as 'GOAT golden ticket winner' at show open
Set: Aaron made jokes about noticing homeless people after moving to city, using homeless as 'meat shields' during shootings, and criticism of a sign claiming 'Cancer can't work.'
Interview: Aaron discussed his three years of stand-up, his mom buying him overalls for Christmas, working as a John Deere tractor valet, and accidentally driving a car with a baby in the back seat.
- Homeless person's sign said 'Cancer can't work' - mistook zodiac for excuse
- Joked about grabbing wheelchair-bound homeless person as meat shield in shooting
- Third-time appearance on show; accidentally drove a car with baby in back seat
Set: Vanessa discussed aging as a woman, sexual acts with older partners, and shame after masturbation. She mentioned therapy helping her understand her father's love.
Interview: Vanessa revealed she's been doing stand-up for 7+ years in Jacksonville, Florida, recently moved to Austin for a spiritual group/community, and does medium work and healings.
- Older women titty-fucking described as playing accordion or using shake weight
- Described shame feeling after masturbating in shower by herself
- Performed psychic/medium work on stage at Jeff's request; claimed to sense alley energies
- Magically made cigarette disappear from Red Band's hand into bucket
Set: Michael joked about Andrew Tate content algorithms, pronouns vs. alpha male titles, AI vs. Indian scammers, trans women and mental illness, and India-Pakistan conflict.
Interview: Michael discussed being a Marine/MMA instructor who gained 35 lbs doing comedy, a DUI conviction in Jersey, neighbor calling cops 200+ times over weed smoke, and $18k credit card debt.
- Andrew Tate algorithm content doesn't mean he likes conservatives either
- Indian and AI scammers in space race to act human first
- Returned to stage; revealed 69 days left on lease, exactly $18k in debt
Set: Katie joked about being groomed (not molested), a comic questioning if she 'developed early,' and a statistic about pedophiles with erectile dysfunction.
Interview: Katie discussed being a 2-year stand-up from Denver who recently moved to Austin, works a boring marketing job, and does 6-7 open mics per week.
- Comic asked if groomer was real pedophile or if she was 'really sexy kid'
- 20% of pedophiles have erectile dysfunction, have to apologize to kid in van
- Tony announced she would perform at secret show on Thursday
Set: Chris, who is blind, joked about seeing robot eyes, wanting to see tits, Elon Musk's Neuralink (comparing to Atari graphics), and Teslas getting vandalized with Nazi graffiti.
Interview: Chris discussed doing mushrooms at South by Southwest, a woman removing his sunglasses at a festival, dating difficulties on apps, and being blind for 10 years since age 18 with retinal detachments.
- Elon Musk's Neuralink brain chip shows boobs as Atari video game graphics
- Tesla owner vandalizing Teslas makes him happy driving around as unknowing Nazi
- Golden ticket winner; first appearance on show; blind comedian with strong organic opening
- Jeff Ross asked what color Chris's shirt is; Chris made joke about him failing
Set: Michael joked about black Roombas, naming his Roomba 'Toby' (after Michael from The Office), and buying a used Roomba at auction for 3/5ths the price.
Interview: Michael discussed being a 9-year stand-up from Missouri/California, working valet, meeting a woman at a comedy show, and his freezing salmon in refrigerator.
- Every object meant to improve life is black; named Roomba 'Toby' with outfit
- Bought used Roomba at auction for 3/5ths the price of new black one
- Made Holocaust joke about German Shepherd in car during winter
Set: Eric joked about Midwestern men not believing in therapy, preferring garage beer-drinking to counseling, and starting a Midwestern counseling service working on Pontiacs.
Interview: Eric discussed 6 years attempting stand-up in Missouri, working as insurance salesman, being from a very successful family (IT dad, teacher mom), and his brother dying in drunk driving accident.
- Too many men in Austin do therapy; Midwesterners prefer garage beer culture
- Midwestern counseling: drinking beer, working Pontiac, tell friend 'shut up pussy'
- Tony asked Eric to do a second, different minute after first one bombed
- Second minute about marriage and living in trailer was stronger than first
Set: Davey joked about having cerebral palsy and redneck background combined, attended alternative high school with lawn mowing course, and told stories about uncles and toxic jobs.
Interview: Davey discussed being arrested in Minnesota with mushrooms while drunk, his current probation status, growing up in Washington state near nuclear plant, and past stories with Comedy Store roommates.
- Alternative high school had lawn mowing as course; could spell cerebral palsy
- Uncle is tweaker stealing kids' bikes; fights capitalism from Batman RV homeless
- Jobs bad when they say 'like family'; avoid actual family for reason
- Revealed mismatched buttons on shirt; Jeff asked if he fucks AI robots
- Long-time Comedy Store door guy who mentored Tony in early years
- Ate mushrooms in front of cop during arrest in Minnesota
Set: Victoria joked about being a pole dancer (not stripper), her boyfriend being into 'sounding,' and comparing the noise to a kid making fan noises.
Interview: Victoria discussed 3 years of stand-up, being from Hartford County Connecticut, making comedy music, and having a comedian boyfriend visiting from out of state.
- If she were stripper, would have cool name like Miss Honey Bun (sweet, dense)
- Boyfriend into 'sounding' makes cool noise; nicknamed him Urethra Franklin
- Performed original comedy song about dating while living at parents' house
- Conducted the band like experienced performer; impressed Jeff and Tony
Set: Eric joked about pointing at someone at airport and yelling they have bomb in ass, TSA checking both people, and actual bomber scenario if accusation was correct.
Interview: Eric discussed doing stand-up for about a year and a half in Austin, moved to Austin when he was 12 years old, and had been on the show before.
- Point at airport person yelling 'bomb in ass' forces TSA to check both
- If person actually had bomb, would be hero but ruined being checked himself