Kill Tony #662 — Daniel Van Kirk

Set: Casey discussed eating plastic babies from Mardi Gras cakes, staying up watching Mansers reruns, and made tangential observations about politics and kissing his best friend Barry Carter as a child.

Interview: Casey revealed he works as a receptionist at Law Offices of Tarlo and Tarlo, receives calls about the WNBA draft, and has confusion about the names of the Tarlos (described as Arlo Tarlo and Scarlo Baila). Daniel Van Kirk and Tony bantered about taking Casey on a first date.

Set: Josef discussed being half Middle Eastern and half white, doing stage magic, mentioning his girlfriend's OnlyFans subscription model, and a joke about someone requesting a specific roast beef sandwich.

Interview: Josef revealed he's from Tampa, recently moved to Austin two weeks ago, works as an unemployed software engineer, has an ex-girlfriend with OnlyFans (ran her page), discussed feet content, and shared a molly-fueled Vegas foursome story with two Latina women.

Set: Matty discussed selling guns in college and profiling customers by race (12 gauge for Black customers wanting accessories with beams, Glock 19 for Asians).

Interview: Matty revealed he's been doing stand-up for only 12 mics, sleeps in a hammock indoors with a sleeping bag and hammock stand, and is trying to buy a three-story house. Extensive discussion of hammock sex logistics.

Set: Isaac discussed growing up with a brother with Asperger's (comparing care to owning a Pitbull), the brother barking at Black people, and a pickup line about having a 'three fifths' of a dick (historical slavery reference).

Interview: Isaac revealed he's been doing comedy barely two years, lives in Austin for a year (moved from Illinois), is unemployed and has a sugar mama from Bumble who is married. Extensive discussion of affair logistics and the fact he's an unemployed Marine Corps veteran.

Set: Cam discussed Drake following his girlfriend on Instagram and how he's already lost, compared himself to Guardians of the Galaxy versus Avengers (having a raccoon, tree, and regular guy versus real superheroes).

Interview: Discussed his comedic approach of playing to the room rather than a preconceived show, noted audience members including a blonde Black lesbian, and received praise from Daniel Van Kirk for his energy and performance.

Interview: John, a blonde-haired Black man from Trinidad and Tobago, was pulled from the audience by Tony. He works in software engineering, has seduced multiple white women since arriving in Austin, and provided extensive detail about his bedroom approach involving multiple positions, kitchen sex, sandwiches, and wine.

Set: Jacob discussed trying to get sober after blackout-emailing a photo of his asshole to his second-grade teacher (who replied 'Hasn't changed a bit'), arrests for marijuana possession while smoking in his Prius, and a joke about trying cocaine 'once on numerous occasions.'

Interview: Jacob is from Longview, Texas (this is his second appearance), works at Whole Foods as a front supervisor, has been doing comedy for six years, works out and benches 220, is Army National Guard corporal, and got in trouble for not checking IDs at self-checkout (would enter random dates like JFK assassination).

Set: Lee discussed being out of shape with terrible diet (banks flag vegetable purchases as suspicious), depression, his father's five marriages and multiple stepmoms (traumatized by stepmom pornography category), and watching stepmom porn differently with attachment anxiety.

Interview: Lee is a data analyst from London who was previously on the show in 2019 at the Bluesy Theatre. He's in Austin for a quick trip (leaves Tuesday), performs every night in London, was nonchalant about the Queen's death, and had a long relationship that ended during the pandemic. He kissed female audience member Crystal on stage.

Set: Crystal discussed identifying as skinny/being 'trans fat,' naming pets with full names indicating crazy (used example Chalupa Batman Muggles Cash Evansbold), and jokes about never being with a Black man despite looking like she has, comparing herself to Jelly Roll and Amy Schumer's 'love child.'

Interview: Crystal is a first-time performer who came on stage after kissing Lee Hudson. She's not showering regularly, her mother is deceased, her father and uncle had a bet she'd be pregnant by a Black man by age 16 (she wasn't), and she described bedroom 'dolphin' move (saying 'ah ah ah' when penetrated anally) and blunt-smoking during doggy style with ashtray on partner's back.

Set: Martin presented two short jokes: one about flowers sneezing when they ejaculate, and another about Bloody Mary being a soup that could have other hard liquor variants (like gin in chicken noodle).

Interview: Martin is one of the greatest golden ticket winners in Kill Tony history with many successful appearances. Tony recounted calling Martin last-minute to fill in for a Thursday show at the mothership, where he killed. Martin performed at the forum in LA and expressed openness to hitchhiking advice from Daniel Van Kirk.

Set: Micah discussed people wearing yoga pants when not doing yoga (like camouflage when not hunting), camouflage yoga pants as illogical, and concluded the real purpose is hiding camel toe.

Interview: Micah has been doing stand-up five years, previously appeared on the show multiple times, currently serves pizza on 6th Street (fills water). His baby mama's ex-boyfriend died in a motorcycle accident; he's helping with childcare but conflicted about his happiness over the death. His three-year-old thinks he makes pizza and is impressed by his job.