Kill Tony #288 — Too Short, Luis J Gomez
Guests: Too Short · Luis J Gomez
Lineup
Set: First-time ever on stage. Nervous set about moving to Long Beach between a gay gang area and a higuera gang area, fears being shot or stabbed, makes jokes about a potential gay gang rapper.
Interview: Two months of signing up before first stage time. Works with developmentally disabled people and sells weed. Has a sewing machine and went to school for sewing.
- Moved to area between gay gang and gang area, scared of being shot stabbed or raped.
- Imagines depressing scenario of gay gang rapper getting top ten hit.
- Luis J Gomez points out moment when comedian put hand in pocket signaling he ran out of material.
Set: Seasoned 15-year comedian tells jokes about suspended license, cop encounters, rough childhood with imaginary father who also left, and disappointment with life outcomes despite trying in multiple cities.
Interview: 15 years doing stand-up, performed in Chicago, Atlanta, New York. Recently moved to LA. Opened for Dionne Cause, Adele Givens, Lil Duval. Too Short gives direct advice that he's not funny and needs to fix his act.
- Father figure story about imaginary dad leaving for same reason real dad did - stopped believing.
- Story about suspended license and double-seating in cop encounter.
- Red Band notes three exclamation points in name doesn't match his slow, unenergetic stage presence.
- Too Short gives honest critique that comedian has been fired by multiple headliners and something is fundamentally wrong.
Set: Wears a purple suit. Tells story about being left home with pneumonia at age 14, discovering pornography with disturbing content (orangutan with woman), resulting in inverted erection and ongoing trauma affecting ability to eat bananas or watch Jungle Book.
Interview: Recently discovered pre-diabetes from drinking too much soda. In relationship for two years. Worried about health situation and future. Too Short and panel critique his outfit choice and overall presentation.
- Discovered orangutan bestiality porn at age 14, caused boner inversion and lasting trauma.
- Luis J Gomez references Doc Brown comparing Robert's outfit to Grimace from McDonald's.
- Too Short oddly compliments purple suit as fabulous, contradicting negativity from others.
- Robert reveals pre-diabetes diagnosis during interview.
Set: Claims to be French-Mexican, makes jokes about French and Mexican stereotypes (thieves, stealing). Talks about smoking pot, job interview at Amazon where he felt confident taking selfies, then faced drug test and had to leave.
Interview: First-time on show. Been doing stand-up 4 years. Lives with parents in Inland Empire after 3 years in Sherman Oaks. Works for Blackstone Entertainment on film sets. Recently quit UPS job. Can do splits.
- French-Mexican identity claims, French are thieves, Mexicans steal in Spanish.
- Confident pot smoker at Amazon orientation takes selfies, then fails drug test.
- Gerardo performs dramatic splits on stage.
- Jeremiah Watkins matches Gerardo's splits immediately in callback to Nashville episode.
- Gerardo vs Joel Berg drum-off on stage.
- Too Short critiques his wrinkled clothing despite having access to iron.
Set: 67-year-old woman from Las Vegas doing sexual material about not having sex since 1986, being a born-again virgin, not being young anymore, winning Oscar for Best Leading Bitch. Performs with comedic songs and strong stage presence.
Interview: Met Tony outside back door. In town for 3 more days from Vegas. Long experience with open mics in New York and Vegas. Auditioned for America's Got Talent but was too smutty. Lost 100 pounds. Discusses past infidelity and adventurous sexual history.
- Haven't had sex since 1986, no more groping, born-again virgin.
- Won Oscar for Best Leading Bitch, not being young is a benefit.
- Wait to be hot - cremation joke implying next attraction is funeral.
- Tony immediately flirts with Valentine, audience enthusiasm for her character.
- Valentine reveals she lost 100 pounds, shows before photo.
- Valentine discusses past infidelity and meeting boyfriend while married.
- Too Short expresses strong physical attraction to Valentine.
Set: 23-year-old married at 19 to Mexican wife, just moved in with his mother. Jokes about living with both mother and wife being like living with lesbian parents. Struggled early but recovered partway through set.
Interview: Married 4 years, wife is nanny, originally from Mexico. Mother is nurse. Lives with mother and wife. Has sex every day with wife. Mother watches ER and can't hear them. Panel and Tony extensively mock him for immaturity and marriage decision.
- Living with mom and Mexican wife like living with lesbian parents, both yelling.
- Got married at 19 because loved her and didn't want her to leave.
- Antonio's wife present at show, avoids eye contact with him during interview.
- Luis J Gomez says 'I hope she's fucking another guy right now' in response to marriage story.
- Panel repeatedly calls him rapist and questions his relationship.
- Only positive feedback: Tony notes he ironed his shirt, unusual for the night.
Set: Regular on show. Works recycling job breaking conveyor belts. Previously worked McDonald's while dealing drugs. Jokes about getting shorted on money for sweet tea, relationships with cold women, back pain from scoliosis, caring despite physical limitations.
Interview: Started new recycling job today. Previously worked McDonald's. Still sleeping in car by choice. Works with friend who also sleeps in car. Recently started a YouTube channel, started recording videos with friends. Experienced homelessness but building comedy career.
- Worked McDonald's and dealing drugs, customer confused his tone.
- Confronting customer short on money with quarter pounder order.
- Girlfriend wants to be on him when cold but he has back pain and scoliosis.
- Too Short gives life advice to Malcolm.
- Malcolm revealed he did TikTok/video with manager and other comic.
- Panel praises Malcolm for consistent quality material and life journey.
Set: Actor for 2 years, been on show twice before. Jokes about being single in LA, stress of adulthood vs childhood when getting dick touched. References Oedipal complex by Freud but doesn't complete explanation before faltering.
Interview: Actor for 2 years, no major credits. Has booked short films and recent feature. Panel all agree he seems unlikeable. Volunteered at can sorting drive (mandatory service). Father does pest control, mother is photographer who stays home. Has girlfriend for 2 years from lacrosse field.
- Being single in LA is tough, nostalgic for childhood when getting touched.
- Half Native American from mother, makes '25 percent drunk' joke.
- Panel consensus that Christian is fundamentally unlikeable as a person.
- Luis J Gomez makes Charlottesville rally reference.
- Tony makes Val Kilmer pre-cum comparison.
- Tony suggests Christian inspired friends to create but that's not actually nice.
Set: Professional writer (jackholes book series). Found out brother's girlfriend was having miscarriage of twins this week. Jokes calling miscarried babies 'quitters' who don't deserve 'angel baby' name and didn't get to hard part of life, compares to fish.
Interview: Mother laughed at miscarriage jokes. Discussed DNC (dilation and curettage) procedure. Writing fourth jackholes book. Panel and Tony relentlessly make additional dead baby jokes despite grim topic.
- Miscarried twins called 'quitters' who didn't participate in hard part of life.
- Angel babies like participation trophy for getting to fish stage of development.
- Babies closest to fish humans will be, got to stay in water.
- Panel makes relentless dead baby jokes after her set.
- Doc Brown character tries to stop the dead baby riffing.
- Tony jokes about ending on dead babies is depressing, considers pulling another comedian.
Set: Adopted from Colombia. Jokes about country exporting cocaine, coffee, and orphans. Parents probably wanted white baby but waiting list too long, celebrities can't even get white babies (Brad Pitt adopted from Africa). References Little Orphan Annie singing better than him.
Interview: Works in retirement home cafeteria serving food. 7 years at job. Attached to residents but becomes sad when they die. Remembers Titus who liked college football and Ohio State. Panel makes dark jokes about his job and depression.
- Colombia exports cocaine, coffee, orphans - he's the orphan.
- Parents probably wanted white baby but waiting list too long like celebrities.
- Steve talks about resident Titus who he misses after death.
- Panel makes dark joke about opening up season ticket after resident dies.
- Too Short suggests Steve go back to Colombia doing cocaine instead of serving food.