Kill Tony #689 — Harland Williams, Adam Ray
Guests: Harland Williams · Adam Ray
Lineup
Set: Set about having sex with an ex-girlfriend, comparing it to playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2, and discussing universal dick compatibility across genders.
Interview: Discussed his new $11,000 suit, shopping at Ross, and his excitement about gambling in Vegas. Tony asked about his ex-girlfriend with a green vagina and his citizenship exam.
- Ex-girlfriend sex is best because you know all the buttons, like playing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2
- Dick is universal like USBC bowling, don't need to know the person or set atmosphere
- Ari caught a jokebook thrown at him with impressive reflexes
Set: Set about OJ Simpson and Nicole Brown Simpson being back together, Five and Below store, and a commentary on gay men and hot dog eating contests.
Interview: Discussed being half white and half black, having been to prison from ages 15-31 for burglary and stealing cars, and his drug history including cocaine and heroin.
- OJ Simpson and Nicole Brown Simpson reunited, didn't see that coming
- More gay men should be winners of hot dog eating contests due to practice
- Cory disclosed prison history from 15-31 and drug use, displaying vulnerable candor
Set: Set about playing with his penis, making it look like a man with a big nose, masturbating at dinner tables, and his resemblance of his penis to Mitch McConnell.
Interview: Discussed his reluctance to send dick pics due to how his penis looks, his Jewish heritage, his gambling problem at Blackjack, and his plans to move to Austin.
- His penis looks like Mitch McConnell, never sent a dick pic because of appearance
- Never smiled while masturbating, gets angry during the act
- Jack made odd sounds with his penis, Tony compared it to Walmart wheelchair horn
- Panel played guessing game about Jack's orgasm sound, audience chose option 2
Set: Set about homosexuals reclaiming the rainbow, finding the G-spot, watching gay porn to understand which gender comes first, and ending with masturbation.
Interview: Discussed being 24 years old and first-time standup, his Ethiopian heritage, his faith in God, and an incident in Colombia where he was nearly drugged by prostitutes.
- Homosexuals ruined rainbow by reclaiming it, used to love rainbows
- God put G-spot button in ass but says don't use it or go to hell
- First-time comedian, Harland and Dr. Phil roasted him about looking like Q-tip and Ethiopian starving
- Dr. Phil benched Izzy and panel engaged in coconut joke callback repeatedly
Set: Set about the Olympics and breakdancing, criticism of Netflix movies with bad voiceovers, and suggestions for better voiceovers featuring hood figures.
Interview: Discussed his modest $40 budget in Vegas, his work at Wendy's, his gold teeth as a Florida thing, and his background from Orlando.
- Netflix gives horrible voiceovers, should let hood guys do Godfather impressions
- Let white guys do hood movies with terrible accents like Boys in the Hood
- Tony made fun of David's Wendy's work shirt, David revealed it was from DDS for $7
Tommy P
Set: Set about hating kids and being a DINK (double income no kids), recent vasectomy, and family complications at hospital.
Interview: Discussed being 34 years old, first-time standup, Dominican heritage, works in cannabis cultivation, and his 6-year relationship with his girlfriend.
- Had vasectomy and then paid $200 to masturbate and count sperm
- Discussed being a Marine Corps data network specialist, disclosed difficult family history
Set: Set about losing luggage and having limited clothing options, being married and divorced quickly in Vegas, and getting kicked out of a casino for chip dumps.
Interview: Discussed his love of Las Vegas, playing slot machines for shiny lights, his Vader wrestling impression, his monthly show in Toronto called Laugh Without Limits for people with disabilities.
- Lost luggage, only had Explorer outfit choice that doesn't work for him
- Got married and divorced in Vegas, ex-wife couldn't get green card
- Jared did old-school Vader wrestling impression from 1980s, only 0.5% of listeners knew it
- Disclosed monthly comedy show in Toronto for people with disabilities by people with disabilities
Set: Set about 60 seconds being a long time, premature ejaculation without shame, having sex three times in 45 minutes, and a video reveal at the end.
Interview: Discussed being 24 years old, living in Las Vegas, buying cars on the internet for an auction company, and recently getting dumped after hooking up for a few weeks.
- 60 seconds is long time, busts quick but ready for round two after 60 seconds
- Had sex three times in 45 minutes, wish someone was there to see it
- Made a video about his premature ejaculation that was supposed to play on big screen
Set: Set about his shih tzu poodle mix and losing control of bowels, naming it 'ship poo', wanting a pit bull, and defending pit bull training abilities.
Interview: Discussed his married life, his wife managing aspects of his career, his podcast The Sweet Potato Pod, and extensive banter about his body and eating habits.
- Shih tzu poodle mix with no bowel control nicknamed 'ship poo' like grandma
- Best defense against pit bull attack is shoving thumb up dog's ass
- Todd's large frame caused visible movement on stage, panel made extensive fat jokes
- Tony revealed he's been making fun of Todd's weight for 6-7 years at every performance
Aden Kosoi
Set: Set about Beyonce song 'Jews run the world', not being a coming of age story as a virgin, using Hebrew National hot dog pickup lines, and space laser jokes.
Interview: Discussed being 19 years old and first-time standup, being religious in college, facing anti-Semitism and death threats in Long Island, being from UK with Ukrainian ancestry.
- Beyonce song changed to 'Jews run the world' instead of girls run the world
- Space laser pickup line as Jewish person, antisemitic conspiracy theory humor
- Dr. Phil benched Aden and lifted him with one arm, showing his lightweight frame
- Panel advised young comedian to move away from masturbation jokes and be more clever
Uncle Lazer
Set: Set about volunteering as baseball coach (court-ordered) to meet single mothers, describing their appearance, and commentary on vaginal tightness with women.
Interview: Discussed being cast in Donald Cerrone's Netflix Western as Confederate officer, acting classes, birthday on the episode (turning 34), and harmonica/sex metaphor.
- Court-ordered baseball coach volunteers to meet single mothers at games
- Describes single mothers as smelling like Thanksgiving leftovers and unattractive
- Disclosed it was his actual birthday, turning 34, and shared emotional story about grandfather's death
- Made harmonica metaphor relating technique to oral sex techniques
Pauly Shore
Set: Pauly Shore did not perform a stand-up set; he served as ring card girl in place of Heidi.
Interview: Tony and panel made extensive jokes about Pauly's body, appearance, and exposed anatomy when he pulled down his pants.
- Pauly pulled down his pants on stage, exposing himself to audience and panel
Set: Set about his brother's Asian Pallet restaurant being victim of racist vandalism three times, with joke about Cracker Barrel inevitability.
Interview: Discussed being from Peoria, Illinois, doing standup for 8 years at Jukebox Comedy Club.
- Can't be surprised by Asians at restaurant called Asian Pallet, like Cracker Barrel
- Disclosed serious racism against his brother's business, three incidents of vandalism in one year
Anthony Schuman
- David Jolly mentioned Hans Kim as same Chinese actor in every voiceover